"Neville, I’m really, really sorry about this. Petrificus Totalus"

***

Betrayal. Is this what it feels like? Intense pain as all your muscles constrict at once? Odd, I never thought it would make my body hurt physically. But it does. Muscles I didn’t even know existed now ache. Not only in my flesh but also in my soul. Betrayal is sliding its paw along my body, sinking his claws into the depths of my being; and I fear that soon that’s all that will remain-pain and betrayal.

I don’t even know why I feel so betrayed. I mean, its not like they were good friends; just the best I’d ever had. What a fool. Partly for thinking I could stop them, but even more so for believing they would thank me for it. No sir, instead my prize is an agony beyond description.

Have you ever turned your head too quickly only to feel a sharp mind-numbing pain run down the side of your neck? Initially that’s what it was like - this full Body-Bind. But that was before my mind started to process what happened, now it’s more. It’s more soul shattering because they were my friends...more terrifying because I fear the pain might drive me mad...more heartbreaking because it was her.

She was the first person to actually listen when I talked, the only girl for sure. Harry and Ron had seemed to care too. Didn’t Harry confront Malfoy when he stole my Remembrall, and didn’t Ron care enough to say I should stand up to people? They wouldn’t have done those things unless they were concerned right? Maybe not, no one has ever cared about me. Perhaps my parents, but that was so long ago.

Oh lord...my parents. Is this what its like for them? An awful nightmare that leaves you screaming for help with vocal cords gone rigid? Maybe they’ll place me in the same room at St. Mungo’s - after I’ve gone insane - and we can be a family. One big insane family. Staring at the wall. Gran could even visit us all with one trip. Although, I’m sure to her this is entirely my fault.

As she would say, punishment for my brazenness is to remain in darkness and "think about what I’ve done." A never-ending room of just my thoughts and me creates its own purgatory. We’re old companions though; I’m used to being alone with my musings. These new visitors, however, - the betrayal and the pain - make it unbearable.

Like selfish bullies they push out all other emotions, the weaker emotions. Happiness is a weak emotion; at the slightest conflict it flees to the corner and hides. Others soon follow until the only ones that remain are so strong you can’t imagine anything else and so you cling to them. Betrayal because it’s all you remember about friendship and pain because it’s all you have left to feel.

Oh, will the night never end?

"Is this nightmare black, or are the windows painted?"