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Severus Snape walked to the edge of the castle gardens and barely missed getting trampled as a young witch raced past him. Seconds later her pursuer, a wizard about the same age, followed. Good, they hadn't seen him. He would just leave them to their little chase and maybe he could just sneak.... All his thoughts stopped as the girl turned to look over her shoulder, the boy was gaining on her; she noticed Severus and shrieked.
"Help! Somebody please help!"
The young wizard quickly covered the girl's mouth with his hand and pulled her against his chest with the other. The witch struggled and fought against him. Her feet arose off the ground as she kicked at her pursuer's legs and clawed his hands with sharp fingernails.
Severus walked faster in the opposite direction. He had seen this same game played out so many times before. If he could just get inside maybe he could avoid witnessing more of their little scene. Damn! How could this be happening here of all places?
I try to breathe
Memories overtaking me
I try to face them but
the thought is too
Much to conceive
Some part of him wanted to care about what was going on behind him, and maybe a few years ago he would have intervened, but not anymore. Severus was at the end of his sanity and an encounter like this could push him over the edge. He struggled in a deep breath and tried to vanquish the thoughts that scream brought to mind. He had seen such darkness before, but never had he expected it here.
This place was his last resort, and since the murders a few hours ago, the abode of the last person still alive that even tried to pretend to care. Snape shook himself, no he must not think about what happened earlier this evening. He had made it this far by refusing to think. Because if he allowed any thoughts, he might talk himself out of this. And he needed this. But autopilot had carried him this far, and if he turned it off now to assist the girl back there, he would never go inside.
He took one last look. Blast it! He could already tell how it was going to turn out; the wizard had managed to pin the witch on the ground underneath him. She laid flat on her back as the boy straddled her waist, with each of her hands pinned underneath his knees. One hand was still used to cover her mouth, but now his other was free to give her shoulders a mighty shake.
I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same
So now I step out of the darkness
That my life became 'cause
Severus took another shaky breath and turned around completely. If he ignored this, how could he ever expect things to change? As he stepped forward to help, the witch's struggles became frantic; her eyes now reflected pure terror.
"Matilda!" The boy yelled incredulously. "What is wrong with you? Are you trying to get us in trouble? Why did you just freak out?"
What! Severus thought to himself, that's an odd thing for him to say. Something was definitely different than it appeared. Maybe he would just wait to see what happened next before he decided to interfere.
Severus ducked back into some bushes just before two more wizards came running down the path. They stopped when they spotted the couple on the ground. "Howard, what is going on here?" One addressed to them. "We heard screaming. What are you doing to her?"
To give him credit, Howard did look confused. "I don't know what happened," he said. "We were just walking through the garden when she grabbed my Prefect badge and wouldn't give it back. I thought she was just playing around so I started to chase her and right as I was about to catch her, she looked at me like I was the devil and started screaming. I knew if any of the Professor's caught us we would be in big trouble, so I tried to hush her up by putting my hand over her mouth, and she just freaked out."
Everything clicked into place for Severus at that point. When the witch glanced over her shoulder, she saw him and that was the sight that produced her terror, not the pursuit of her friend. At this realization, whatever had started to grow inside him died. Of course, he should have known only someone as vile as he could produce such terror. Snape's suspicions were confirmed as he stepped out of the bushes and the witch started struggling again.
"See what I mean!" Howard continued, "She's gone crazy!"
Johnny suspiciously looked from Howard to Matilda. "Well take your hand off her mouth and we’ll hear her side."
"What! Are you suggesting that I might be lying?" Howard replied in a violent whisper. "Johnny, I'm telling you she's gone insane! If I move my hand, she'll start screaming again!"
The boy referred to as Johnny leaned down and spoke to the girl, "Matilda, if Howard takes his hand off your mouth, do you promise to tell us what's wrong in a quiet voice?"
Severus stepped off the path and disappeared in the direction of the gates. He was a fool to have come here. The girl saw his movement and whimpered. Johnny pulled Howard's hand off her mouth.
For a few moments nothing, then "DEATH EATER!"
So where were you
When all this I was going through
You never took the time to ask me
Just what you could do
"You weren't planning to leave without saying hello, were you Mr. Snape?"
Blast it! "Yes, that's exactly my intention. Goodbye," Severus said this with a sneer over his shoulder as he continued walking. He needed to leave before he did something stupid, more stupid than coming here. Besides Dumbledore never cared enough to interfere.
Dumbledore experienced a moment of panic. He knew he was forbid to meddle, but Severus came to him first this time, and the Headmaster refused to allow him to leave now. He racked his brain to find something to make the man stop. "Did you come because of the Potters?"
Snape froze. Merlin help me, they already know! I have to get out of here! There are probably Ministry Officials crawling this place. His frantic thoughts jerked to a halt when Dumbledore placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Don't worry about the Potter's, I received your warning in time." Dumbledore noticed Severus flinched slightly when he said "your warning". Did he really think that I did not figure out it was he who had been alerting us about secret Death Eater activities, the Headmaster thought. He continued further, "Sirius Black is their Secret Keeper."
The slightly slumped shoulders became rigid with overwhelming fury. Black! How could they choose him? Snape looked at Dumbledore, consumed by rage. This man tried to protect the Potters, in a way he never tried to protect Snape, even as a student, and he allowed them to choose Black?
All of the night’s happenings came to the surface; all the death and emotion nearly choked him. But with this betrayal on top of everything, he snapped.
I just needed someone to talk to
You were just too busy with yourself
You were never there for me to
Express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
When Black had picked on him while they were students, Snape just had to take it, and say nothing. Because he was a Slytherin and living in the dungeons would have been unbearable if his housemates knew he complained to a teacher instead of just taking care of the problem. But he always thought Dumbledore saw what was really going on.
This proved that even if Dumbledore had noticed, it didn’t matter. Because the way someone treats a Slytherin wasn’t important. They could be cruel and vicious and still remain reliable. Severus gave a cruel laugh, “Didn’t Sirius prove his untrustworthiness when he almost turned me into a werewolf? Lupin might be relieved to know he wasn’t be the only friend betrayed by that cur.”
Dumbledore gave a puzzled look and Snape continued, taking pleasure in breaking the news. Grateful for some way to hurt this man, hurt him in a way to make up for all the times Severus had been hurt and Dumbledore did nothing. “Yes, that’s right. Black betrayed the Potters too. James and Lily are dead.”
Severus watch with a brief elation as Dumbledore’s smile disappeared. The old man seemed to crumple. Snape barely heard his whisper, “and the boy? What about Harry?”
Severus’ anger flared once again. He just told Dumbledore about James and Lily, and all the man was worried about was that baby? Why was the child important? Snape grabbed Dumbledore by the collar of his robes and spit into his face. “The world has just lost its best chance to defeat Voldemort, and you’re worried about Harry Potter?” He dropped the old man and stomped off while yelling over his shoulder, “I imagine the child is dead as well, I wouldn’t know for sure. I arrived at the house with just enough time to overhear Lily’s death. I didn’t stay long enough to hear more.”
Severus stomped off past Hagrid’s cabin, and if the giant hadn’t chosen that moment to vary the pattern of his massive snores, Snape might have missed Dumbledore’s next words.
“If Lily is dead, then so is Voldemort.”
Severus jerked back around. “What, what did you say?”
“It was all part of the plan. James and Lily knew the only way they could protect Harry was to destroy Voldemort. They came to see me about using ancient magic as a protection.”
Severus’ brain clicked into overdrive. “But that spell, that spell requires assistance from an foe, and treachery from a trusted friend.”
Dumbledore looked straight into Severus’ eyes, where he could see the realization dawning. “Yes, it does.”
“You mean Black was never intended to Keep the Secret.”
“No, he wasn’t.” Dumbledore walked to the younger man, and stood so close that he had to look up to see into Snape’s eyes. “And your warnings, the warnings of their enemy, made the spell possible in the first place.”
Now I'm older and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
Something broke, and Snape did something he hadn’t done in years. He cried. Violent sobs shook his entire body. As each tear left his body, it carried with it a little of his anger. When they finally stopped, the only thing remaining was a faint echo of his rage.
For a brief instant he felt something close to happiness. It reminded him of the joy he felt as a child, and for a moment he was ten years old again.
But it seems the surface
I am scratching
Is the bed that I have made
Remorse instantly rushed in to fill the newly vacant space. He felt remorse for allowing himself to become the person now was, and he felt guilty for becoming someone so horrifying.
What happened to those moments of childhood happiness? Had they really disappeared so slowly that he never noticed the change. Gradually, a little each day, the person he was, evolved into the creature he became. A creature so despicable, it struck fear into young girls? Was he really a Death Eater?
What happened to that kid?
I never meant to fade away.